If you find yourself putting yourself down, neglecting your own needs, or playing down your own accomplishments because you’re worried about hurting someone else’s feelings, there are a few things you need to know. There is a way to free yourself from the fear of hurting someone else’s feelings through your own happiness or success.
For many people, success means showing up someone else’s faults or making someone else feel bad — in other words, being happy “at someone else’s expense”. However, not everyone who is compassionate and caring has this belief. It is, like everything else, the result of what you hold in your subconscious — and it can be changed.
Can You Hurt Someone Else’s Feelings?
The truth is: you cannot make someone else feel bad. They may feel bad in response to you — the records they hold in their subconscious may prompt their brain to trigger their organs to produce chemicals that cause the sensations of hurt, jealousy, anger, resentment and other negative emotions — but you cannot make them feel bad.
Their response is not about what you do; it’s about what they hold. It’s about what they believe, and it is all about them, not you. The same goes for you. Each person’s reaction is based on what they hold inside their subconscious; not about what is happening around them.
You’ll have noticed that not everyone reacts the same way to the same things. Different people experiencing the same events or circumstances will respond differently.
Some may get angry while others don’t even notice the problem. Some may feel hurt while others find it funny. The difference is in the beholder, not the subject.
Your success may result in one person feeling bad, and in another feeling inspired. And since you cannot change anyone else, the way to free yourself from the trap of jeopardizing your own success and happiness because of being worried about hurting other people’s feelings is to change how you respond inside yourself.
How to Free Yourself from the Fear of Hurting Their Feelings
The first thing to realize and acknowledge is that you cannot possibly know what someone else is thinking or feeling. Even if they tell you, you cannot know it for certain because you are not inside them. The second important point to bear in mind is that the way you feel about hurting someone else’s feelings is caused by records in your subconscious, not logic or reason.
Your subconscious is referring to data that it holds (based on life experience from birth) that provides “proof” that your success or happiness will cause someone else to feel bad. This is not fact, it’s just the data you currently hold in your subconscious.
Your subconscious then prompts your brain to trigger your organs to produce the chemicals that make you feel bad — and your conscious mind interprets that feeling to mean that it’s true that if you succeed you will cause someone else to feel bad.
This may not seem to be true — the feelings you have make your current belief feel absolutely true — but if you really want to be free to enjoy your own success, it’s worth suspending your disbelief for a moment and trying this out. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and think about something you want to do but are avoiding because you believe it will hurt someone’s feelings.
Imagine that you’re going to go ahead with it anyway, and notice how you feel. Notice where you feel the feeling, and how strong it is. Also, think back to any previous memories of this feeling. It may not be something you experienced personally, you may remember being told about an incident in which someone’s success or happiness made someone else feel bad. You may remember hearing about how inconsiderate some successful people are, or how those who are happy don’t care about anyone else. Whatever comes up, notice it.
Then, use the FasterEFT technique to clear and flip those memories and feelings. Keep repeating the process until any negative feelings and thoughts have gone completely, and the memories have flipped. For more information on how to flip memories and why it’s so important, read: Why do We Flip Memories in FasterEFT?
From now on, whenever you catch yourself making decisions about your own life based on how someone else might feel, use the FasterEFT process to clear those feelings and thoughts and flip them. If you’re with other people at the time and can’t tap physically, use Mental Tapping instead.
Make sure you address everything that comes up that bothers you — you should be making decisions about your own life based only on good feelings. Tap out all other feelings and thoughts.
For more information on how the subconscious records are created and how they affect your daily life, read: The REAL Cause of All Your Problems.
For full guidance on how to use FasterEFT effectively, read: The FasterEFT Technique — Step-by-Step.
To watch FasterEFT in action, watch the videos in the FasterEFT in Action Playlist.
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